Living in tokyo and living as a boi for me are a similar experience. deep violent bottomless tired isolation and never-ending euphoric ecstasy of unbelievable freedom.
This results in regular self-validating high sexual domme-sub play activity, as well as a heart aching anxiety deeply rooted in suicidal and self-destructive thoughts.
Past trauma, self-hate, parental and societal-taught shame accumulate in an identity wrapped in chaotic spontaneity, restlessness and recklessness.
Past trauma, self-hate, parental and societal-taught shame accumulate in an identity of profound orgasmic freedom from regular societal and familial norms and standards.
Both result in a parallel constant of profound isolation, loneliness, sexual confidence and pride. Perhaps that is what being “boi” means to me. Perhaps it is living in Tokyo. I want to die, but I want to live right now. The concept is death, the practise is “live”.
I refuse to take anti depression pills for fear of affecting my sex drive. It’s the only thing that pulls me through the night. That, and a deep exhaustion from a desperate need to distract myself from feelings of isolation and regret.
tired isolation and euphoric ecstasy; the death i choose to live.
– Shu JINKO