A wavering fireball of light illuminates your face. My 2024 smartphone, without a blue light screen protector, delivers a strong light to the retina that is not absorbed by the lens and cornea of my eyes. It’s not simply light. It’s what used to be a human body, dead and stuffed in a plastic bag, amputated limbs from surgery that had to be performed without anesthesia, something buried in the rubble, contained in the breathless heat of August, the air is still and dark…Obon1, or for me who was raised in Tokyo, the peace ceremony, or the anniversary of the end of the war, seen through blue lights, I haven’t seen cucumber horses nor eggplant cows for such a long time now too, and when I do see the spirit horse2, the scent of incense given to me by my grandmother wafts out of nowhere…As September approaches, my retinas flicker with information about the memorial service for the Korean genocide that occurred after the Great Kanto Earthquake, this year it seems the ceremony was postponed due to a typhoon. The intense six inches of light that shines on me from within my hand brings the dead from the past to the future to my hand. A bright gravemarker in my hand. The light penetrates my retina and tries to keep me awake. I haven’t been able to sleep for years now, despite wanting to. However, I have the feeling that if I let go of this grave, I won’t be able to see anything at all in the darkness.
1. Obon is a period in Japan usually during August which people traditionally go home to visit their families and welcome the souls of their ancestors returning from the spirit world.
2. The cucumber horse and eggplant cow represent spiritual vehicles for one’s ancestors in Japan.